Philosophical Moments Arrive out of Despair.

I've stopped moving forward.

There are things in my life, that I desperately want. There are things in my life that I desperately need. And yet I am still sitting here, in the same spot I always sit. In the spot where it all began.. and all I can see is how nothing has changed. There has been no progression. It is as if the darkness itself is swallowing my soul from the inside out. All I ask is for some self control, for my body to do what my mind tells it to, for my mind to follow through what my will wants. And as I wait for the darkness to smother the light, I wonder how long until all you see is the shell of the person that exists inside. How long until no one sees the shell? and how does one come back from a slow state of dying?

Yes, death. Many have commented on it, many are afraid to think of it. The truth is, everyone dies. Everyone. Its wrong to think, oh well that person is going to live forever, or to look at your neighbour and know that they will have a long happy life: instead simply everyone dies. One day you may wake up and discover that your sister, or your mother, or your hairdresser, or your grocer is gone. Is dead. Didn't wake up. And eventually one day, something will happen and you won't be the one to draw breath anymore.

So what to do when you draw breath but there is no life to you? How to stop the darkness from consuming you? How to stop the darkness from consuming others?

I may see hell one day, and when I do, I hope it is worse than slowing dying while drawing breath. Because as far as I am concerned, there is nothing worse than knowing what you want and not being able to reach it, or living one moment in light and progression and then being thrown in to the reverse.

So, from the darkness and the despair in the bottom of my heart. From the hopelessness and worries of my soul. From the disbelief and the bewilderment in a failing deity I ask..

Are there still moments of hope in this life?
Can one find hope in the darkness?
And how does one keep going, keep striving forward, missing these failed moments in life???

Yours Forever
-Lost Girl